Permission to Feel

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Marc Brackett, PhD, is a research psychologist, the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. He is also the lead developer of RULER, a curriculum for developing emotional intelligence, which has been taught to over one million students of all ages across the globe.

The long-standing debate over rational thinking versus emotional reasoning mistakenly assumes they are separate processes, but emotions are deeply intertwined with decision-making, focus, and thought patterns. Emotions are essential for self-awareness and navigating life, a perspective that gained recognition in the 1990s when psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer introduced emotional intelligence, emphasizing the role of emotions in guiding behavior. Research has since confirmed that emotions and cognition are interconnected, shaping how we process sensory information and respond to the world. For example, anxiety can prompt caution, while excitement fosters optimism, demonstrating that emotions and thoughts work together to interpret situations effectively. Developing an emotional vocabulary, as emphasized in the RULER framework, helps articulate feelings with precision, reducing their intensity and fostering self-awareness. Tools like the mood meter categorize emotions by energy and pleasantness, aiding in recognition and understanding. Studies, such as one at UCLA, show that labeling emotions diminishes their power, enabling individuals to manage fears and seek support. This approach extends to understanding others, breaking isolation and building connections. By managing our emotions, we model resilience for children, who rely on adults for co-regulation until they can self-regulate. Identifying triggers and adopting strategies, like decompressing after work, helps adults navigate emotions constructively, teaching children valuable skills. Suppressing emotions can lead to chronic stress and health issues, but embracing them allows us to harness their benefits. Fear sharpens focus, and anger clarifies boundaries, motivating action. Recognizing and valuing negative emotions ensures they work for us rather than against us. Expressing emotions authentically fosters connection, while regulation involves acknowledging feelings and responding thoughtfully. Integrating emotional skills in schools and workplaces, as seen with the RULER program, reduces stress, enhances well-being, and promotes creativity and productivity. Emotionally intelligent environments benefit individuals and organizations alike, transforming how we learn, teach, and lead. Recognizing and understanding emotions, as outlined in RULER, helps address underlying issues, fostering empathy and resolution in emotionally charged situations.

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