The Myths of Happiness

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Sonja Lyubomirsky is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. She is an associate editor of the Journal of Positive Psychology and the recipient of many academic grants and prizes. These include a $1 million grant from the National Institute of Mental Health, which helped to fund some of the research upon which The How of Happiness is based.

Life’s challenges, whether they stem from illness, marriage, career, or divorce, reveal a recurring truth: happiness is not tied to specific events or milestones but to how we adapt and refocus our attention. Even in adversity, such as a serious illness, shifting focus to positive experiences and practicing mindfulness can foster resilience and joy. Similarly, the fleeting happiness of newlywed life or career promotions highlights the concept of hedonic adaptation, where initial excitement fades as circumstances become routine. In relationships, transitioning from passionate to companionate love is natural and can be reinvigorated through gratitude, spontaneity, and physical connection. Career dissatisfaction often stems from unrealistic comparisons rather than the job itself, and appreciating fulfilling aspects can counteract this. Divorce, though emotionally taxing, is not the end of happiness; studies show individuals often find greater contentment post-divorce by embracing resilience and focusing on daily joys. Across all scenarios, happiness emerges not from avoiding challenges but from adapting to them with intention and perspective.

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