Say What You Mean

Book summary

Oren Jay Sofer is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication. He teaches meditation and communication retreats and workshops all over the world. He is also the founder of Next Step Dharma, a meditation course platform, and co-founder of Mindful Healthcare, which provides training in mindfulness and communication to healthcare workers.

Presence is the foundation of meaningful communication, enabling us to connect authentically and engage fully in conversations. By practicing mindfulness and identifying what enhances or disrupts our focus, we can cultivate presence in daily life. Recognizing our own counterproductive conflict habits, such as avoidance or blame, and replacing them with constructive strategies fosters healthier interactions. Effective communication also relies on intentional pauses, or "choice points," where we decide when to speak or listen, creating space for meaningful exchanges. Awareness, both of ourselves and others, is key to understanding, as it helps us navigate ingrained habits and emotional signals that influence our needs and responses. By embracing curiosity, care, and emotional agility, we can interpret emotions as indicators of unmet needs, fostering deeper connections. Communication, like a dance, thrives on balance—framing conversations with shared interests, tracking their flow, and ensuring everyone is heard. Finally, making clear, positive, and flexible requests bridges the gap between our needs and others’ actions, enriching relationships and enhancing the joy of giving and receiving.

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